As always, life remains hectic for the “Prisoner In Paradise” who remains trapped in Thailand. I continue to endeavour to contend with the “W” Factor. By this, I mean WIFE — WORK — WEBSITE. It has been a very busy start to 2008 for Dave The Rave. It is not all a bed of roses being the Prisoner In Paradise, as some of you know. But somehow, I don’t think I will get much sympathy from many of you guys! When you read “BAR CODE,” you will see what the Go-Go Guru has to contend with sometimes. Nevertheless, I battle on relentlessly in the neon jungle of Nana Plaza…
BAR CODE — IS HE DANCING OR JUST PRANCING?
One night in Bangkok a farang stood up in a cram packed go-go bar and started dancing. I do not know what song he was dancing to, but it was not what the DJ was playing. I am not sure if he was trying to dance hip-hop, but he looked more as if he was having an epileptic fit. There were arms and legs going in all directions and not at all in synchronisation with the music. Why make a total fool of yourself in front of a packed audience? The mind boggles!
The other night a farang was sat admiring the line-up in Angelwitch Go-Go Bar in Nana Plaza, but he refused to order a drink. The service girl told him straight that he would have to leave if he did not want to order a drink. And so, he stood up and walked out. That is like walking into a restaurant and refusing to order food, because you are not hungry. I remember a similar encounter in Hollywood Carousel several years ago. One customer refused to order a drink and he was being obnoxious too. In the end I said, “It’s not a museum.” Finally, he got the message and he left. After 10 years as a go-go bar boss, I still cannot comprehend that kind of mentality. What are these people thinking?
JOKEBOX JIVE — LIFE’S A FUNNY OLD GAME
We were very poor when I was a kid. My mother would say, “Go to the butcher and ask for a sheep’s head… And don’t forget to tell him to leave the legs on.”
I went back the next week and asked the butcher, “Mum wants a fish head for the cat.” The cheeky butcher replied, “Why? Is your cat having a transplant?”
DAVE THE RAVE EMAILING LIST UPDATE
I have updated my emailing list with another bunch of guys. However, unfortunately I have been forced to remove some people from my emailing list, because their emails keep bouncing back. Please REGISTER again with your updated email address, or email me your new email address. If you are not receiving my emails, it could be due to oversensitive spam filters. It is worth checking… Well, I hope I am worth checking!
MY EMAIL — Davetheravebangkok@gmail.com
SIAMESE TWINS SEPARATED
Over the past couple of years, there has been quite a lot of talk about the teen twins in Angelwitch Go-Go Bar in Nana Plaza. Well, they are really growing up now, and in more ways than one! I still chuckle to myself, that only a Thai mother could possibly name her twins “A” and “B.” Can you imagine going with both of them? Just call it an erotic experiment with twin “A” and twin “B.” I am not kidding those are their names. Extraordinary, isn’t it?
Miss “A” has flown the nest and currently resides in Europe with her boyfriend. But, Miss “B” still holds the fort and performs some of the top shows in Angelwitch. And so, it is true, the Siamese twins are now separated.
Talking about the shows in Angelwitch, Miss Bee performs a new “Mirror Show” with the lovely Miss Nudee. And, there is another classic name. What a name for a go-go bar showgirl. Hey guys, “Nudee” is quite apt don’t you think? I will not spoil it for you, but the Mirror Show is very exotic erotic. A former go-go bar manager said, “That is one of the best shows I have seen in years, it is very cleverly put together.”
TINSEL TOWN IN THAILAND
There is a new fashion in Bangkok and that is Thai girls with streaks of tinsel in their hair. It started with dolly birds in the Rainbow Go-Go Bars in Nana Plaza, but for a while, the trend was catching on around the City Of Angels. The new tinsel fashion only costs 200 Baht and it stays in for weeks. Dave The Rave could never take part, being the man with the reflective dome. Unless, somebody knows a specialist in micro hairdressing! Apparently, it is a Japanese craze, but it has caught on around the nightlife areas of Bangkok. This latest fashion brings a whole new meaning to Tinsel Town!
NOTE THE QUOTE — LIFE’S A FUNNY OLD GAME
“It’s not the men in my life that counts; it’s the life in my men.” (Mae West).
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT IS SILLY SEASON IN THAILAND?
– Newbie’s think it is cool to “wai” every bargirl they meet.
– Tourists think Singha, Chang and Leo are the best beers in Thailand.
– Four Japs dressed in traditional kimonos and wooden sandals stand motionless in the middle of a go-go bar. They say nothing and just stare at the go-go dancers.
– People who blatantly try to take photos in a go-go bar. Worse still, they try to video a sex show.
– You think you spot a tramp sleeping on the pavement in Pattaya, but it turns out to be a drunk European.
– A Westerner walks into a bar dressed in Karen hill tribe clothing. He also has a multi-coloured embroidered handbag with matching accessories.
– A farang male climbs up onto a go-go stage and starts to take all of his clothes off.
– A European on crutches is covered in bandages, because of crashing a rented motorbike in Koh Samui.
– A Japanese tourist gets “drugged and mugged” by two lady-boys who are about 2 feet taller than he is.
NANA PLAZA — NEON JUNGLE NEWS
Farang Connection on the middle level in Nana Plaza remains closed. Farang Connection is situated next to Cathouse. A sign outside said that it is for sale. Interested parties should call Phillip on 0870340568
HOLLYWOOD HAPPY HOUR
This week I went up to the top floor in Nana Plaza with two friends. I had a brief look in Hollywood Strip, the smaller of the two Hollywood Go-Go Bars. It was deserted, apart from a handful of go-go dancers and two farang customers. The two Hollywood Bars on the top level in Nana Plaza are now running a nightly Happy Hour. Local beers and spirits are only 95 Baht from 7:00pm until 9:30pm. I went into Hollywood Carousel to join my friends. Hollywood Carousel (the larger of the two Hollywood Bars) has risen in popularity following the emergence of some very attractive showgirls. Two of the sexy little showgirls are Miss Ae (Umbrella Show) and Miss Da (Ice Show). Showtime runs from 10:00pm until late. Later on in the evening Hollywood Carousel is drawing a busy crowd. I was going to say that there is not much happening before 10:00pm, but they have introduced a Happy Hour. In addition, Hollywood Carousel does have some cute service girls and a few attractive go-go dancers. Most of the girls that I have met are the fun ‘n’ friendly type. However, most guys are going to visit while the sexy showgirls are performing.
You should take into account that the standard and types of shows do vary enormously in Hollywood Carousel. Knowing many of you guys quite well, I know that some of the shows will definitely not be to your liking. Bearing this in mind, the time you visit is very important. For example, there are two shows performed by Thai men — one is a Kung Fu Strongman Show and the other is a Magic Show. But, if your timing is right, you might avoid these shows and see the hot Shower Show that features four sexy showgirls.
My friends Snakedude and Paul had to laugh on Saturday night in Hollywood Carousel. They both sat down and to their amazement, they were shocked to see a Thai man performing a magic show. This Thai guy was unquestionably not David Copperfield, because during the act he dropped the bird onto the stage. Rather than an illusion, this was disillusion! The squawking bird fluttered around with feathers flying in all directions. Paul said, “It was most bizarre!”
Unfortunately, we had to sit through the Kung Fu Show, which seems to go down OK with the tourists. But, for many expat residents it’s like waiting for a bus! The Kung Fu Show dragged on for ages, but eventually we did get to see both the Umbrella Show and the Ice show. An added bonus was the fact that Ae and Da came over to talk to us.
Just as the lease landlords in Nana Plaza raise the rent, the motorbikes return to block the entrance. So far, nothing has been done about the problem. Before, all of the motorbikes were cleared early in the evening. Nowadays, they remain inside the entrance after 9:00pm. I think several bar owners should all go and complain to the Nana Plaza management. Even for Thailand, this is beyond the joke. Besides the inconvenience of clambering through the maze of motorbikes, it presents a serious emergency escape hazard. I am normally a tolerant man, but the motorbike menace is annoying the hell out of me!
BEHIND THE BAR – DID YOU KNOW THAT?
Angelwitch Go-Go Bar in Nana Plaza performs an average of 25 shows per night. No show is ever repeated in the same evening. The repertoire of shows is put in a rotation system and each evening the sequence changes. New shows are introduced every month. In the Bangkok branch of Angelwitch Go-Go Bar, there are 12 showgirls and in Pattaya Angelwitch, there are 18 showgirls. Now you know!
Last Friday night a farang staggered into Angelwitch Go-Go Bar, obviously worse for ware. He attempted to sit ringside by the stage, but missed the stool completely. He ended up on his back staring at the ceiling. Two bewildered and somewhat startled service girls picked him up, but only after having a good laugh at his expense. After all, that was quite some stunt by the “stool fool!”
A NEW LAW HITS JOOLS BAR
Jools Bar & Restaurant is located opposite the 7 ELEVEN down in Soi Nana. Jools Bar is a wee bit further past Hillary 2 Bar. OK guys, now we know where we are! Jools was formerly owned by Big Dave who starred as Big Ron in Steve Leather’s brutally candid novel “Private Dancer.” For the uninitiated among you, Jools Bar was the central base for the conversations that took place in Private Dancer.
Big Dave decided to sell Jools and since then the trade in the bar has dropped off without Dave’s presence. However, the standard of the food and the service in the restaurant (up the spiral staircase) remains the same. I am pleased to report that the daily specials, the monster breakfast, and the traditional roast dinners are still excellent value-for-money. Steve Leather, Big Ian and Nick from MAG, will be pleased to hear that news.
Very recently, a new law has hit Jools. This comes in the form of Peter Law who is the new manager. Unfortunately, Peter is no relation to the legendary former Manchester United player Dennis Law! Joking apart, Peter has a total of 17 years in the hotel and bar business. I would like to wish Peter all the best. If you are in the area, please pop in and say hello to Peter. He is a friendly chap and he will make you feel welcome. Check it out!
SWAN 5 KARAOKE & PUB
Approximately 200 yards down Soi Nana, you will find Swan 5 Karaoke & Pub. The ground level is a coyote club, the middle level is a karaoke bar and the top level is a pub. They are open from dusk until dawn. Currently they are running a special drinks deal. A bottle of whisky costs just 500 Baht and beers are 100 Baht. All are welcome!
HAMMER DISCOTHEQUE DANCE CONTEST UPDATE
Remarkably, the date for the Hammer Discotheque Dance Contest has been changed yet again. It will now be held at 1:00am on the morning of Thursday, January 24th. Don’t ask me why the date has changed three times, but if you are in Pattaya you can go along and enjoy the Dance Contest. Hammer Disco is located down Walking Street opposite Soi Diamond, upstairs from Candy Shop. There will be 12 clubs entering the Dance Contest, which is co-organised by After Dark Asia Magazine. The go-go bars and clubs entering include – Secrets, Champagne, Taboo, Dollhouse, Living Dolls Showcase, Lollipop, Magic, Galaxy, Heaven Above and Angelwitch. Check it out!
A NARROW ESCAPE FOR DAVE THE RAVE
The other day, Dave The Rave had a narrow escape whilst trying to cross Soi Nana. I started to cross and I was cut-up by a speeding som tam cart. To make things worse the cart had a wobbly wheel and was doing a zigzag. Miraculously, I just managed to move in time. A split second later and I would have been wearing a load of som tam pla! Imagine the headlines — “Englishman mowed down by speeding som tam cart.” It could only happen in Amazing Thailand!
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