Thailand Night Fever

 BANGKOK AIRPORT AFTERMATH

They certainly don’t call it “Amazing Thailand” for nothing, because Thailand never ceases to amaze. Thailand’s ongoing political problems recently came to a head, when PAD anti-government protesters seized Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi International Airport. Coupled with violent clashes and bomb attacks, Bangkok became the City Of Fallen Angels. Incredibly, everybody stood back and watched. The PAD (People’s Alliance for Democracy) protesters were allowed to occupy Southeast Asia’s main artery for 8 days. Pad guards took over the control tower and blocked the entrances to Suvarnabhumi Airport. PAD guards easily forced an inadequate number riot police back. Bangkok Riot Police were under strict orders not to remove the PAD protesters by force. Although occupying Bangkok’s two main airports was a major inconvenience for many travellers, Thai Police caused no bloodshed. The Thai authorities did not want a slaughterhouse, like the Mumbai massacre in India.

There were remarkable scenes at Bangkok’s besieged international airport, as a couple of PAD protesters casually played badminton. Another Thai woman was being pampered by a hairdresser. Even a medical centre was set up. Food and drinks were given to the PAD protesters, but meanwhile many stranded travellers were left to fend for themselves. Suvarnabhumi Airport was seized with military precision.  Meanwhile, the rest of the world watched these events with bewilderment. It was such a bizarre turn of events, that you could be forgiven for thinking it was Dean Barrett’s latest work of fiction. Were you thinking, surely this could not happen in the “Land Of Smiles?”

THAILAND’S TOURIST INDUSTRY BRACES FOR A BIG FALL

Even when Thailand is in turmoil, the average Thai will usually suffer in silence. However, some Thais have apologised to farangs, and they feel ashamed for the recent events. The sheer magnitude of Thailand’s turmoil has lead the Thais to be more openly critical. This was never the norm, but the recent political crisis has caused this reaction.

This was a costly political stunt to say the very least. It is estimated that Thailand’s tourist industry could lose as much as 130 billion baht. As a result, at least 1 million Thais will possibly lose their jobs. Representatives from the Tourist Authority of Thailand (TAT), predict that foreign arrivals will drop steeply next year. It might be as much as 50% from 14 million visitors down to 7 million visitors. In addition, there is the overall damage to the economy to consider. Thailand’s image and reputation has taken an almighty blow. The fear factor will have a ripple affect that could last 6-12 months. Even now, the political future of Thailand is clouded with uncertainty. This does nothing to ensure confidence, with most of the world already in an economic crisis. For the future of Thailand as a whole, she really needs to get her act together. While Thailand is in damage control mode, the question remains… How fast is the recovery?

Here in the middle of the airport aftermath, it is time to go back to the reality of Bangkok’s quieter streets. Many bars, hotels, shops, restaurants and other tourist related businesses, endeavour to keep their heads above water. Most of Bangkok’s bars, go-go bars, discos, nightclubs and other entertainment venues have suffered in some way as a result. Some people say that they have never seen some bars so quiet. Bangkok’s airport crisis may be over, but the battle to revive tourism in Thailand has just begun.

MERCENARY OR MISSIONARY?

The boy to girl ratio in Thailand is very much in the favour of the male species right now. Currently, it is a good time to visit Thailand for sex tourists, or “mongers” as they are more commonly known. The stereotypical sex tourist comes in two forms. I refer to these two types as “mercenary” and “missionary” mongers…

Firstly, the mercenary monger. These guys are an eccentric breed, because mercenary mongers will walk through warzones to get what they want. They will seek sex-on-sale in the most deprived countries and depraved conditions. Even a mercenary monger with the negotiation skills of a mobster, can get “lucky” with Thai bar girls right now. They treat the Thai girls with disdain, as though the world owes them something. These are the foreign mercenaries of Thailand. They pretend to be tough and ruthless, although in actual reality they are often rough and toothless! Not surprisingly, the mercenary monger’s arrogant attitude reflects his character. These extremely hardcore mongers tend to have “issues” because something has obviously gone seriously wrong in their life. They are emotionally damaged goods in transit. If this were not true, they would be nice guys and not be all bitter and twisted. Perhaps they never felt loved by anyone, including their own mother. Their behaviour is often arrogant, ignorant and extremely selfish. Some guys have personality, but mercenary mongers have poisonality!

You will often find that mercenary mongers hide behind a secret online identity and become keyboard warriors. They come across as virtual monsters on the internet, but in person, they are very different. A friend of mine met a keyboard warrior in person. He said, “I expected to meet a mongering monster, but instead he was this timid, lonely guy wearing nerdy glasses.” I suggest that you make sure you never fall into this category. 

The second stereotype is the classic missionary monger, who sets out to “save” these poor, suffering bar girls. Most bar girls, much prefer this type of monger, because he tends to be a 3-M or a Mobile Money Machine. He is still a sex tourist, but the missionary monger fools himself into believing he is changing a bar girls life. In actual reality, the only thing he is changing is the bar girl’s bank balance. What most missionary mongers don’t realise is that bar girls don’t want to be “morally changed,” they just want your “money exchanged!” The missionary monger can’t believe how poor his Thai bar-girlfriend’s family are… Why do they need two computers, a TV (with surround sound) and a brand new motorbike? Hey, perhaps the family are setting up their own business! The fact is the bar girl already has her own business – it’s called STUPID FARANG!

Even when he returns to Farangland, the  missionary man still sends his favourite Thai bar girl large chunks of money. Meanwhile, the bar girl’s husband in Isaan loves the new motorbike. In his spare time, he plays games on his new computer and hits the town every night with missionary man’s money. Again, unless you are a multimillionaire who does not give a damn, it’s best not to throw all your money at bar girls. When a farang starts throwing money at a Thai bar girl, he has created the monster. It’s like waving a red rag at a raging bull. After waving goodbye to his money, the missionary man insists, “But deep down I know she loves me.”

SEX TOURIST SUMMARY

In this article, I have deliberately selected two extreme forms of mongers. The important thing here is not to fall into either category. The best we can hope for is to be classed as party guys. Don’t take yourself or life too seriously, you are out to have a good time. I think a good approach with bar girls is to apply the “F” Factor. No guys, not that “F” Factor! Mercenary mongers say, “Find ‘em, fu*k ‘em, forget ‘em!” What I mean is use this “F” Factor — FAIR, FIRM, FRIENDLY.

BAR CODE — THE “F” Factor

FAIR – I think you should always be fair, when dealing with Thai bar girls. This means fair to you and to others. Don’t fall into the trap of lying, or trying to use devious methods. Although many bar girls lack academic education, they are streetwise. Remember that you are dealing with professional ladies of the night. Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself. Making outrageous false promises does not do our farang reputation any good. If you decide to walk into a go-go bar in either Soi Cowboy or Nana Plaza, remember that bar girls are working girls. They are not go-go dancing for the goodness of their health. Also, just because they are giving you a lot of attention, certainly does not mean they have fallen in love with you. Don’t get carried away. If you are 50+ years old with plain looks and wrinkles, you are not a Tom Cruise lookalike! Don’t get angry if a bar girl asks you for a lady drink, she is just trying to make a living. Who on earth enjoys working for no money? 
 
FIRM – At times, you might need to be firm and say, “NO!” Many (but not all) bar girls will test your limits at some time. Certain go-go dancers will demand lady drinks, bar fines and even try to bring their friends in on the action. If a bar girl is being too pushy or rude, make sure that you establish some boundaries from the start. When you decide enough is enough, stick to your guns. There is an abundance of available bar girls in Thailand, so be firm if you need to be. Try to be understanding, but don’t take any abuse. After all, you are the one offering treasure-for-pleasure.       

FRIENDLY – Always endeavour to be friendly and respect Thai women, no matter what they do for a living. Most Thai women dislike confrontation, harsh criticism and generally uncomfortable encounters. Beneath that hard shell, even go-go girls can be ultrasensitive. Thai bar girls have a childlike charm, so let the child in you come out and play. Serious expressions and heavy talk is for business meetings. Remember to keep your serious side locked away in your work place. Even when it comes to talking about pay-for-play prices, it’s not the stock market. Furthermore, it’s not as though it is a matter of life and death. Some guys sit there with stern expressions, as though they are on death row! Relax and take it easy, this is your leisure time. Smile, be warm and enjoy the company of a lovely Thai dolly bird. The fun and friendly approach is the best way to break the ice. Before you know it, you might be on a plane to Farangland. You land during a harsh winter, where the only thing colder than the arctic climate is your love life.

As I have said before, some farangs just don’t know how to talk to Thai women. I dare say that some guys have not received the attention of any woman in years. Even so, it really is not difficult to have a good time in the multitudes of beer bars, discos, theme pubs, massage parlours and go-go bars. Forget long time, forget short time, just have a good time! Have a couple of drinks to loosen up if need be. Always use your personality and not poisonality! Even if you have been here for decades, it never hurts to have a reality check. When it comes down to having a good time in Thailand’s bars, it often reflects upon the person you see in the mirror. Happy hunting!

QUEEN VICTORIA IS NOT AMUSED

The recently opened Queen Victoria Pub is situated quite close to the entrance to Soi Cowboy on Sukhumvit Soi 23. This is an immaculately furbished traditional English pub. Here is some news for you gossip hunters! Already the Queen Victoria Pub has had a change of manager. The previous manager was imported from Farangland, but he did not have the pub running anywhere close to efficient. Queen Victoria is not amused! The import promptly became an export. The replacement is the legendary landlord Peter Street. Peter has vast bar management experience in Thailand that spans many years. He has managed Bobby’s Arms, Mojo’s and Chequers. Apart from running a friendly boozer, Peter conjures culinary classics. This is a very positive move and we will soon see Queen Victoria smile!

PATTAYA — PLEASURE PLAYGROUND

Down in Soi 15 off Walking Street, Club Mistys Go-Go Bar host a Happy Hour until 10:00pm. There is a 2-4-1 drinks deal on draught beer and house spirits. Tequila shots are only 50 baht until 10:00pm. Check it out!

SISTERZ GO-GO BAR DANCE CONTEST

Tonight, December 11th Sisterz on Walking Street are holding a Go-Go Dance Contest. Sisterz Go-Go Bar have recently taken on new go-go dancers and showgirls. If you are into Go-Go Dance Contests make sure you don’t miss this one. May the dirtiest dancing doll dominate!

JOIN THE Q

On December 17th Q Bar in Sukhumvit Soi 11 celebrates its 9th Anniversary Party. The Hi-So Thais and foreigners love to party the night away in one of Bangkok’s top entertainment establishments. Q bar’s party night will include Bangkok’s biggest martini glass filled with a special surprise, exotic dancers, a Japanese drum troop, free  jello shots, and a monster-sized cake. If you want to have a good night out join the Q

PICKLED LIVER PUB CELEBRATE INDEPENDENCE DAY

The friendly owner of the Pickled Liver Pub in Sukhumvit Soi 11 celebrated his birthday last night. The party night also coincided with the Pickled Liver Pub’s 1st Anniversary Of Independence. I’m sure Nick won’t be “offended” if you offer him a belated birthday drink. Cheers!

PRETTY LADY GO-GO BAR PARTY NIGHT

On Friday, December 12th Pretty Lady Go-Go Bar in Nana Plaza are hosting a Full Moon Party. The party night includes a complimentary barbecue, special shows and even a lucky draw. Party on!

Thanks for visiting, I hope you enjoyed the read…

Your Intrepid Investigator,

Dave The Rave – Go-Go Guru